She explained that it had to do with her ex that she is still hurt and need to get herself together before anything. We met on a dating site it was our last effort on this site the last kick at the can if you may say we spent 16 weeks of enjoyment her not working and I as well not working ,, I met a beautiful goddess she is everything that Ive ever wanted in a woman we are both older and have been around the block and we know want,, and is a very exciting and knowledgable about the same things,, she has been abandoned many times from other men and I am the one that wont abandon her because she knows how I feel about her she just wants me to fix the things that she doesnt like about me ,, I must make these changes , in other words and I have been doing these things in a rapid rate and she has praised me on the progress , I treasured her and shes the girl I have looked for all my life she has broken up with me several Times saying that I need to fix myself,, things take time she seems not to want to be around me while I fix myself ,,, and she needs her space since I have showered her with gifts concerts and a great summerluv ,,now fall is upon us and she still has found reason to stop seeing me and wants her space ,, I showed up at her work in the rain with supper,,that I made her fav ,, went back to her place ,, she said only 15 minutes and then I have to rest ,,brushed her hair, rubbed her neck and shoulders and calves ,, rub her feet and listen to her problems of course she did not like this in the end because I was not invited ,, it was a surprise she worked late Tuesday and starts early Wednesday so we only have a brief time to see each other but she says she needs her rest ,,the rest of the week I do not see her except on a Saturday and no sex has been happening for at least a month prior to that it was incredibly amazing and I must say I rocked her world and left her speechless ,, as well as I am speechless ,,so my question is, I will honour her space no contact with her,, although there is an event coming up in a month that I was supposed to go to and I was assured that I was to attend ,, !! Apollonia. The right thing to do is give her space and back away. I would suggest the Overcome Your Neediness and Insecurity Seminar https://www.apolloniaponti.co/neediness-seminar-nai28405071 She claims that her previous boyfriends never stick around but I told her several times that Im not like them and that Im here to stay. She was seeing someone sometime after we had spoken but stopped 4 months or so ago. Hope this helps. This happened last saturday. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/. Thanks, A lot of this seemingly came out of nowhere too but was a repeat of previous doubts shes had. I knew that was the death message so I was very upset to start. I told her all these things mentioned were all things that she had told me she was ok with given the fact it was all really her ideas and thoughts I told her that I was not happy with all this and confronted her a little before I decided to leave her place even though she said to me that she still loves me and that she doesnt know what to do and feels like she regrets saying these things to me and said maybe she just needs time because these were on her mind for a while even though we only recently booked our tickets to go on vacation last week. I feel badly that I have affected her and want to see her feeling less stressed and happy. This day was magic, a lot of emotions to the night, after this day, she send me a message: I want you to stay with me everytime Our relation was for only 2 months, but we have long trips, sex and good mood. She told me she loves me several times in the previous months. Arguing is the main reasons we both left our previous relationships so its something that we both find unacceptable. Thanks for reading my blog about when she says she needs space. She calls me just about everyday & we talk. I flew to spend time with her and the kids for Christmas and New years this year and she told me loves, she is in love with me but it is not as strong as what is used to be. 2. I was going through a divorce and she broke up with her last boyfriend 6 months prior because he cheated on her. It seems that she still has strong feelings for you but is unsure about things. I dont wanna be questioning but I need to find out what this is especially because Im planning on making it official soon! Yes, just talk to her. I stayed in contact with her and now she is telling me she needed space. When we do come back to talk, focusing on what we have now instead of future plans of marriage. I took that as shes feeling better now. She wanted time to herself and gets in these moods where she doesnt even want to talk to anyone and just be alone, so I tried to talk to her but it didnt work so I eventually respected her decision but before hand she would text me every few hours and it got to the point where she said we still belong to eachother, and hopefully we have a chapter 2 to our story, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I will still be loyal to you on my end and for the moment I just need time and space to myself so I can better myself, idk how long Ill be like this just hours before she started talking like this I had wrote her multiple paragraphs on how much she meant to me (because she wasnt feeling too well the day before) and then she was very happy got a bit but then stated now Im bummed because I feel like Im a terrible girlfriend because I have never wrote you paragraphs like that before) and then from that point forward she started saying she needed to better herself because its not fair to me. Everything was happening naturally and just falling into place. I respectfully gave her that space with no contact. She saw this but waited 6 hours to respond. I am willing to wait for her because I want her in my life but what should I do? She told me that I should stop chatting her and continued the story about the she slept with someone to become more realistic to me. Best, She always told me that she cares for me, appreciates me, loves me and we talked about the possibility of moving together. Best, Of course, you want to handle this in a compassionate way; not in an argumentative way. I would need to know more about your situation but I would suggest taking a photo of something that reminds you of her like maybe a type of flower that you happen to be walking back something that might even be a funny inside joke or maybe you guys played tennis and had a great time laughing, and you just passed by a huge wall full of tennis photos. Hey Apollonia! Best, I dont have time for anyone right now nor do I want anyone. So I ask you to ask yourself what are you doing that is making her feel like this? You become kind of addicted to your lover and lose yourself. Hello John, Me being the good boyfriend I am after she went to sleep I wrote her 4 paragraphs explaining how much she meant to me and how special she was just to make her feel better when she woke up. Now the past month, weve been seeing each other alot, and things were progressing even more. She suffers from anxiety and I havent helped with being snappy, clingy and needy recently due to some developments that turned me into a momentary wuss. I dont know what I want right now. So then eventually I came to respect her decision, before hand she stated we still belong to eachother and will follow the same boundaries as we had put in place when we were together, I hope he have a chapter 2 to our story bevause you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. She will come back. Foolishly I fought that because Im so in love with her. trust me I knew that i messed up and stepped out of line and was completely out of character my intentions werent bad i just wanted to be there for her since i know that things are rough at home. when something imp then she responding otherwise not .. What Women Want in a Man: 15 Traits Women are Looking for in a Man Right Now. Apollonia, Hi so Ive been dating this girl for just over 4 months, the first 3 months we had a ton of contact, these past 2 weeks tho she has started to distance herself from me and not really talk about whats going on, she has been saying she wants to be alone lately but every time she does she ends up texting like 5 hours later just saying hi, by the end of the night like 10 she does have convos with me and she tells me some things abt her day, she says its been stressful managing school, family and other things, she said she feels alone sometimes and needs some time for her self, she did open up to me yesterday, her parents are divorced and are constantly fighting and wanting each other in jail and her brother has suicidal tendencies, she has been hanging with her friends a ton more, not going out but going to their house, she has been drinking a ton more and sometimes smoking weed a lot more, she never really used to do that, she has been feeling sick these past 2 weeks and lightheaded and I feel like its not really a cold just more from anxiety and stress, but overall I have given her more space and sometimes we talk abt whats going on with her but she kinda avoid the question, I did reassure her that I am always here, and I want to help her through these rough times and she said thank you, what do you think is going on, oh and she recently visited a guy friend and went to his house, she told me that theyre really only friends because she helped him through his tough time when he tried to hang himself, they used to date like 2 years ago for a couple of months, Im not really worried abt it I just wanna know if thats normal, Im just confused and wanna know what to do. My question is how bad does this look and what should I do? I finally got through to her and we texted. We are currently on a break so we arent technically together, but I wouldnt dare do that to her. She said I didnt have to but I did. I will give you direct feedback on what to do moving forward. In this article, I am going to tell you the reasons why she is asking for space and help you understand what to do moving forward, how to get her back and recover from the heartache. Sure, but ultimately i want her in my life than not. I tried my best to be there, but I was sometimes showing as much affection as I could, the other times Im pretty dry/cold because of her replies honestly, and she came up recently asking for a break to clear things up between us. Read the book, focus on you. You are just focused on contacting her and the next time you will talk to her which is going to set you up for failure since there needs to be change. I was like sure thats a good idea. Best. I suggested giving it more time and see if things changed to see if we can fix it and possibly bring the spark back or to give us no contact space and reconnect in a month or two to let her work on herself and I work on mine. Its not been 2 months Of us trying to figure it out and basically for her to see if she wants to make it work. She said I am not asking you to be out of my life but need some time as she is unhappy and doesnt know what to do. If your partner says they need space in your relationship, something has gone a little wrongeither with the partnership or in their own life. Apollonia. Best, When a girl says she needs space Here is the bigger picture of this all. It had been 3 days and we used to see each other every day and talk every night before bed. we kinda argue about silly things really. She means everything to me but I dont know what my next step is or what it should be..do you think theres still a chance in the future? Then she went on a list of things that bothered her about me. I would also suggest reading Amir Levines Attached book. I told her we can work this out. I would suggest that you focus on you and let her initiate contact with you moving forward. We have daed with this girl for about five years now but lately she has been telling me that I need to put my things inorder be positive about life because I just lost my job late last year. Apollonia. She had also just dyed her whole head for the first time in 8 plus months together. We will talk everyday and text throughout the day. Not sure how to handle this. Am I doing the right thing, or am I being too optimistic? Apollonia, MN Give her the space and fill your time with finding your hobbies, the things you enjoy. together 8 months, last week she requested a month break. I love her. Spending time together will not make a person always fall more especially if its not reciprocated. During the relationship, the families would often argue over rituals and cultural things; clothing and venue etc. I am devastated i didnt see it coming at all. We just celebrated our anniversary last month. It is very painful mam. Am I too nice? So i say i feel like you dont even want to be with me anymore she says maybe i dont and then says no because i think she was mad. Apollonia. We never really said break up but I am taking it like a break up and not sure what to do? When 2020 came in and I had to come back home I told her we can have a clean slate and work on things between us and fix them she agreed. Does this help? My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe include an all inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers? In the meantime, work on finding happiness inside of yourself and not making someone else responsible for how you feel. In order for me to give you exact advice, I will need to have a conversation with you to understand the relationship. So I claim them as mine. Hi Apollonia this is an interesting one. You both understand that you are accountable for your actions and cannot be used as a doormat and will not be passive. WebShe will say that she wants space and time, but she actually wants you to think and work on it. Best of luck with everything and let us know if there is anything else we can help with. Pull back. She said i am her stress and i give her stress hence she thinks its not a healthy relationship. Sorry to hear that, well address this as soon as we can. And she has found this group of friends who go out for parties and event everyday. I always tell people I know no contact can be difficult but you have to remember the end result is what is the best prize. I told her on that call that I went into a quarantine slump and wasnt myself and was working on myself as well. We both have expressed how much we have grown on each other and really care and like one another. If she comes back just showcase your change with actions instead of words. From Wednesday we did not talk. She asked to be just friends and I told her that is not what I wanted. If you need more guidance, I would suggest a private coaching session https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/ I would also get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. You need these things. We had talked ab me opening up more, and I thought I was really trying. She kept mentioning how i should focus on spending more time with my kids and family. At the end of the day you can only take responsibility for yourself and when you implement boundaries in your relationship and do not tolerate the neglected behavior, you can build a healthy relationship. We didnt talk with each other for another two days. I needed help myself at that time and I was trying to put myself first for once and trying to stay happy. Hey! You have things you have to walk through. Can I win her back or have I lost her for good? What do you do? Then in the evening I texted her I was giving her the space she needed and for her to let me know when she wanted to see me again. Hi Chris. Will she message me? Im relieved that she unblock me and said to myself that I wont chat for because I dont want to happen that again. I though it was all good i am a good guy , and dont think i am that needy as never complain she goes out friends or text her much unless texts me if she says she seeing friends saturday day i ask when she wants to see me she says saturday night or sunday i come instead . I dont want to tell you to back away or to try to initiate cause I dont know exactly what happened in the relationship and I can give you the wrong advice. I would suggest keeping your distance and not being there for her as much as you use to. Not sure where to go from here? Great insight and a lot to take away and apply in my relationship. The morning before the movie I got a message from her that says she has a lot going on shes feeling overwhelmed, wished me the best and thats all I heard that day. Ive been trying to give her that space and let her make all the contact moves. We both cried sitting next to each other. The best thing you can do for you and the relationship takes a step back. She said she loves me and wants to be with me, its nothing icebox done but she needs space to decide on what she wants. I set up a date. So, enjoy a couple of days of solitude. We love a strong man that can hold his own at the end of the day. Im very glad she cares enough about me to tell me this before either one of us gets hurt, although she told me she felt like she was poison to me, which I didnt agree with entirely but I can see where shes coming from. I asked her if there was anything we could do to fix it she said she didnt know. It all seemed so surreal that this was happening, that we were working towards something great. Im now doing the no contact rule and its been a week since her last text about my letter and havent heard back since. My gf is 45years old. Not sure if I doing this right or not? Because of the distance and the coldness she responds with, or what. I hope you could reply and give me some advice on this. Am I risking us growing apart by simple not reaching out or even doing anything, except working on myself? Our amazing coaches can have a conversation with you about whats going on and help you uncover what needs to be done and how to handle it. There is definitely a lot to unpack here, so I would recommend you connecting with one of our coaches to get the proper advice you need.
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